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Film Club 20​/​20

by Andy Circus

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1.
I 01:05
2.
James 05:17
he’s tossing back test tubes of Red Bull & Bombay gin / he’s shaving with disposable razors again / he’s a lo-fi hip hop Buddhist / Chef likes his bread / he’d rocket ship from New Zealand if it meant he’d get some head he’s playing pool at the RSA / he’s looking cool / getting so tossed in those waves / he’s that guy from James, James, James / he’s that guy from James, James, James m-m-m-Marmite toast / he’s feeling like a ghost who wants to burn his virginity alive / he’s a long, long way from Kansas and Weezer is covering Toto / he’s a low blow punk rock Christian / who might try some weed / he’s already watched Scott Pilgrim three times this week he’s playing pool at the RSA / he’s looking cool / getting so tossed in those waves / he’s that guy from James, James, James / he’s that guy from James, James, James Break it down now, James…
3.
Midsommar 04:04
the hotel had a view of a Montessori school / there was blood on the condom / there were tissue paper giraffes / for the kids we shouldn’t have / how i want to be a dad— but not yet! / & you kind of hate your dad / & it shows you manipulated me / i manipulated you / it was a short Swedish summer / in a garden full of grass / scattered with those jelly beans / that you eat incessantly / & the bullshit on one knee / with a gummy ring they say i asked you three times / blacked out on orange wine & two Michelin stars / which weren’t aligning / don’t tell me that i drive too fast / or we’ll break up in the Kid’s Museum / then make up in ABBA The Museum / we’re in Stockholm & we’re getting stuck here / like, really stuck the hotel has a view, though / of a Montessori school / & there is blood on the condom / & now i’m never gonna see you again //// but i hope you like your long weekend / baking cookies with your Irish boyfriend / far from Stockholm/ hey, please don’t regret that / Stockholm... / i’m still kinda stuck back / in Stockholm, Stockholm / like, really stuck / you fucked me up / tack så mycket
4.
Hereditary 05:54
potato sack racer / Ray Ban noir / hopping drug to drug / in your sleeping bag / & you see your mother’s back / when you’re stoned & on a walk / when you’re missing all the cracks / you’re missing your mom / but carry on / carry on / carry on to tenderness pierogi for dinner / with your dancing queen/ who’s drunk off one tequila/ & getting kinda mean / & she asks about the cat / & calls you all those names / & you’re reminded of the demon / with your mama is his cage / that one time / that one time when you hurt your knee / & she just let you bleed / that one time now ABBA is my mariachi band / haunting me with their heartbreaking glam / & their boots / their boots / i no longer trust chicks in mary janes i keep kicking your cat / & she keeps coming back
5.
II 00:24
6.
Fight Club 02:15
it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Mark Anthony Conditt / it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Kyle Rittenhouse / it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Edgar M. Welch / one of the many little boy bombers / American churches churn out killing commies for the Lord, man / killing femme Dems for the Lord, man / killing pedos who make pizza for a living / all because our kids can’t live with seeing trans men / in the bathroom at Target it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Mark Anthony Conditt / it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Kyle Rittenhouse / it could’ve been me / i could’ve been Edgar M. Welch / one of the many little boy bombers / American churches churn out killing commies for the Lord, man / killing queers for the Lord, man / killing minorities just ‘cause they don’t have land / & their own special gaslighting president / in the bathroom at Target call it evangelism / call it nationalism / liberty & justice / is just survival of the fittest / in America
7.
once you seemed much older / you were once my style / now you’re stomping around your parents’ town / & acting like a child why the situations? / why the carousel? / i’m trying to take your order / while you’re trying to reconcile / with deep eye contact that wasn’t appropriate for the situation stop asking me to be someone else / i gotta stop asking you to be someone else too “isn’t he ironic?” / darling, you’re my mirror / i only wax laconic when I feel my bluff is near why the expectations? / why the cinephiles? / i’m just trying to dance with open hands / you’re tryna get inside my pants stop asking me to be someone else / i gotta stop asking you to be someone else new can’t we bounce this seesaw without burning down the town? / one moment we’re mad / next moment we’re sad / at least we’re wearing matching plaid pants
8.
just me / there’ve been / no more airplanes around / it’s all over town / back porch / you’ll see / no more airplanes around / they say it’s not over / it’s all over town / they say it’s not over just me / twin toes / Utah / no shows, no towns / i’ve been all over / Jerry Lee Rover / (1 2 3 4) look up to the sky & tell me / what happened to all of the airplanes / the 4th of July & i see / my sister is escaping now / she’s going to town red rover red rover / come over come over sister / you’ll be / throw food at me / abound / c’mon, abound / sister / you’ll be / u-haul / go free / abound / you’re out of the bounds / (1 2 3 4) look up to the sky & tell me / Mama threw an airplane at me / the 4th of July & i see / my town completely exploding / they think that it’s over / they think that it’s over / they think that it’s over / they think that it’s over / but it’s all over town go, babe red rover / come on over / it’s not over / come on over / red rover / come on over / it’s not over / it’s not over
9.
Basia, baby / beware (of) strawberries / & don’t drown yourself in me go swim across the lake now / swim across the lake / all by yourself Basia, baby / beware (of) Americans like me / & don’t drown yourself in him / in him go swim across the lake now / swim across the lake / with someone else go i can swim across the lake now / swim across the lake / i can swim across the lake now / swim across the lake / i can swim across the lake now / swim across the lake / swim across the lake / swim across the lake / swim across the lake / swim across the lake / all by myself forget me not / forget me too / forget-me-not tattoo
10.
maybe you were at that New Year’s Eve bash / when the local youth groups came & trashed the gym with popcorn & hymns / maybe you got saved that night / i tried getting saved for the fourth time / but they only called my name for the door prize / a red KJV / & i had an anxiety attack & Mom had to come get me / early maybe you were at that Boy’s Day camp out / when lightsabers were a thing & Sam cracked my nose in the creek / & our dads built model rockets with us / before Mr. Jerry set them free & detonated them / a little early & maybe you were in Mr. Paul’s class at homeschool co-op / the one where he taught us how to dismantle a two-stroke engine / adding more knowledge to our arsenals / i already knew how to make bombs / i already carried pen springs & 9-volt batteries in my pockets / to the orthodontist / just in case they pissed me off & maybe you were on my mission’s trip / invading the streets with John 3:16 painted on your AR-15 / you’re only 17 / clean-cut condemning like it’s your calling maybe you intend your bombs for gays / (that’s Fred’s opinion anyways) / i heard the same sermons that you heard / but i was busy picturing the worship leader’s wife in bed / i still read the Bible though / enough to know that if you’re gonna kill gays / you gotta shoot the praise band too / because liars & perverts & murderers & idolaters / are all mentioned in the same verses used to crucify gays but if God Fed Exes judgment / would you let me know? / ‘cause then i’ll be the next to blow / the doorbell ringing / a little early little boy bomber / little boy bomber / little boy bomber / little boy bomber
11.
III 01:00
12.
Rosanna 05:52
i’ve seen your doorways be painted by blood / six people riding in the car when only five of them should / let them go swimming / hide the wine inside the bread if we get caught / if we get caught with Rosanna / let your people go / Rosanna / take it nice & slow / when you go down hey, i’ve seen your doorways get wasted on the blood / drop some magic mushrooms just to watch the deer / flying by your hood / as shit goes sailing, “never failing” / is the promise any way / it’s the promise, anyway for Rosanna / take it nice and slow / Rosanna / will your people go / when you go down / when you go down / when you go down / when you go down who’s the deer? / is it you or me, my dear? / who’s the deer? / is it me or you, my dear? / who’s the deer? / is you or me, my dear / or is it maybe just your fear? / if it’s your fear, then what are you afraid of? / babe, just live & love & die / then come back & then / let’s do it all tomorrow / oh sweet Jesus, i’m too high on Rosanna / you’re not a deer / you’re just a rose / Rosanna / Rose, don’t keep your doors closed / Rose, don’t keep your doors closed / Rose, don’t keep your doors closed
13.
crown shyness / we never touch / just smoke this joint & go home / i was here / i was here & it meant something ptsd/ everybody stomps up the street now / sorry she came home smelling like patchouli / we never touch / it’s too dangerous / just get a vaccine & i’ll take off my mask for you crown shyness / we’ll never touch / the kids in the apple tree / i am here / i’m right here / now stay away from me ptsd / break a window for me / sorry i sing with strings attached / i’m the player of the week / we never touch / it’s too dangerous / just get a vaccine & i’ll take off my mask for you take off my mask for you / take off my mask for you / take off my mask for you / take off my mask for you i’ll take off my mask / i’ll take off my mask / since you asked so nicely / banging on my door / in the middle of the winter / i’ll take off my mask / like you asked / do you like what you see now? / i have been a bear to you i have been a bear to you / & i’m embarrassed about that / i have been a bear to you / i have been a bear to you

about

Recorded in an apartment on Market Street, Williamsport, PA. Songs I wrote before therapy. Long songs to sing in the shower you'll need after hearing them. For all the quarantine kids.

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released July 18, 2021

All lyrics and music copyrighted to Andy Circus, 2021.

Recorded between October 2020 and March 2021 in my living room, dining room, bathroom,and back porch. I used a Zoom R8 recorder, a Stager SR-2N mic, and sang and played every note myself. Caleb Snoke, David Pulizzi, and Rose Haupert gave indispensable listening and feedback. Additional mixing and mastering was done by Paul Smith at Eight Days A Week Studio in Northumberland, PA. Barbara Polichnowska took the photo on the front cover; I took the ones on the back and the CD. Anthony LaLota at Crotalus Records was (is) my distribution guru. I had (have) a lot of other good people in my corner; you know who you are. Old School Pizza and San Pellegrino also kept me alive.

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Andy Circus State College, Pennsylvania

Andy Circus lives somewhere between recovery and discovery, Pennsylvania.

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